Let me tell you...I am not big on change! Change the room around...okay, but change my routine in life and that doesn't feel so good! Have you ever been happily bumbling along in life and WHAM! something unexpected happens to you? I am sure we all have had a few of those times, maybe a job loss, or a baby on the way, or the death of a loved one. These things are unexpected and sometimes quite hard to get our heads around as well as our life back on track. I have had a few "whoppers" myself and let's face it, they are just plain hard!
I always have thought immediately, "Why Lord? Why did this have to come my way? I wasn't doing anything to bring it on. I was just minding my own business." I remember when I was 19 and getting a divorce. Yes, I have had one of those. I am not proud of it by any stretch of the means, but I would go through it again if it meant that I would learn the change and raw dependence on God that it brought me.
I remember coming home from the convenient store that I worked in (I had to move back in with my parents, which was SO hard!). I would come in and my little brother and sister as well as my parents were all sleeping because it was usually 1-2:00 in the morning. I smelled of cigarettes, lunch meat and Mr. Clean, even after a shower, it faintly smelled! I would be so tired, but couldn't sleep. I would lay in my bed and just weep because it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I was a Christian girl and God loved me, how could this happen?!? I remember listening to a song on my cassette walkman (a long time ago huh?!?) called "The Warrior is a Child", by Twila Paris and saying to God, "Why? Why me? Why do I have to come home reeking of smoke at night and be going through a divorce of all things! I am a Christian!". I soberly could hear Him say, "Why NOT you? Who do you think that you are above anyone else?" Wow! That was cutting, but so true. I needed change!
It was during this time that I began to understand that God loved me, but knew I would be able to grow from this hardship. He began to turn me inside out!! When I was in High School, I thought I was somebody special because I was a Christian. I was a hypocrite and therefore, I didn't have too many friends. You know how it goes! I was so heavenly minded that I was no earthly good! So when the Lord told me that I shouldn't think I was any more worthy than the next person to go through divorce, He got my attention! It broke me to the core and I was so ashamed to think I had thought more highly of myself than I should have. THIS CHANGE WAS NECESSARY FOR ME! Yes, it was humiliating at the time and hurt terribly to be torn down in my heart and in my mind, but the Lord was sweet, He began to restore me and change me! (Psalms 23:3), Gently, He began to lead me, through reading and listening to my Bible and listening for the Lord's prompting to humble my thoughts and repent of my sin of haughtiness and selfishness, He changed me. Praise the Lord!! I was not and am not the same anymore! I don't mean to sound arrogant, I am truly thankful I am not the same today as I was then.
Yesterday the pastor spoke on change and how we need to embrace the changes even when they don't feel good. He said, "Change is fine when it is your idea, but not when it is God's usually!" I thought how true!!
I probably won't ever like change, but it has never failed to show me how I can be a better person. I need to keep that in mind each day. Maybe you are someone who likes changes! If so, I am not trying to sound "catty", but God Bless you!! I wish I was better at it! You will have less struggles in life because of it, or maybe the Lord will find other ways to get to the heart of you and create what He desires for your life. Today, I hope this little bit of sharing my story is a help for you. I do not boast in any of it, I am still a work in progress, that will keep changing until I go home one day. I only want it to be used to help someone and point back to my heavenly Father who loved me...and immensely, undeniably and personally loves you too!!! (0: Have a sweet week, Lori